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Hello Jeff,I reiterate—what degraded women twenty-five years ago, still degrades them today. And I say that from the perspective of a woman. I know what it feels like to sell your flesh for money—regardless of the degree of monetary gain. I know the humiliation and the shame. I know because I did it for eight years. Whether it was pornography or prostitution, it was all the same—except with porn, the selling of my flesh was permanently recorded on film.
You conveniently leave out of your response my reference to Shelley Lubben’s website: http://www.shelleylubben.net/ and myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/shelleylubben. I suggest you take a look. She has 26,642 friends on her myspace page—many of whom are former porn stars (from all eras) and recovering porn addicts. No, it is not merely my opinion that the porn industry is destructive. You accuse me of "confirmation bias"—something you may suffer from yourself. You choose to ignore the thousands of people I directed you to who feel as I do about the porn industry in order to validate your own views.
You disclose that your wife performed sex on film. If she found participating in porn the laugh riot you contend, why didn’t she continue? Since you’re very interested in psychology, you realize we tend to repeat behaviors we find most pleasurable, especially when there is positive reinforcement involved, such as money.
You say, "Lots of us do things we might have preferred not to do to get a pay check. It was not wasting our lives. It is just making a buck. A necessary evil." The truth is no one has to do porn to financially survive. The money becomes a convenient excuse—not "necessary" by any means.
You comment about my appearing in porn films that featured an underage girl. I do not know the name of the girl. Like the rest of us, she used a stage name. I didn’t report her at the time because my moral barometer was just as skewed as everyone else’s in the porn industry. Her mother was always there, so, foolishly, I thought everything was all right. Of course, I was wrong. There were many disturbing, illegal, and downright frightening things I witnessed in the eight years I worked in the sex industry. I didn’t report any of it. Partly, I think, because I was in denial about my own involvement in such a horrible business. I regret that. But I was wounded too. And wounded people simply have a skewed view of what is right and wrong.
You say, "Your assumption is that having sex on camera is degrading and humiliating. This is a minority opinion." Once again, I suggest you consult Shelley Lubben’s website and you will see thousands who have experienced the degradation and humiliation of porn—both as performers and viewers. Are 26,642 people also in the dark?
On the subject of celibacy—you assert, "You claim you don’t have an anti-sex agenda, but you do. Come on—you say you are celibate because you respect sex? No, you are celibate because you have issues you really should be working through with a therapist." Also, you say you respect women "enough to let them make decisions about their own sexuality." If this is the case, then why not allow me to make my own decisions about my sexuality? How can you possibly claim to know the reason for my choices? Is the idea of a woman wanting to have sex only with someone she deeply cares for so inconceivable to you? Is a woman who chooses not to sell or give her body to strangers "anti-sex?" Trust me, it is possible for a woman to be celibate because she truly respects sex and is waiting to share it with that special someone.
You mention that you come from an abusive family. I’m so sorry. I too think therapy is a good thing.
You say that you cannot answer my question, "Would you want your daughter to work in the sex industry?" because you don’t have a daughter. Let me be more specific, if you had a daughter, would you want her to work in the sex industry?
You declare that you don’t make generalized comments and expect them to apply to everyone. Yet, that’s exactly what you are doing with me. I have simply shared my experiences and my opinions based on those very personal experiences. I never said I’m speaking for all women. You want me to feel as you do and I simply don’t… and never will.
